Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Assistance for right-wingers

During this time of celebration for liberals, I have not forgotten my conservative countrymen and women. For those of you on the right who are wondering if you can remain in the United States under an Obama administration, I'd like to help you by suggesting that you consider moving to the former Soviet Republic of Georgia. It offers many advantages for conservatives:

  • McCain is popular there.

  • It has a Christian majority. I'm sure you'll be able to work-out any theological differences (hope you like incense).

  • You'll get real wine at church instead of grape juice in shot glasses.

  • You can join militias patrolling the borders, although in this case you'll be looking out for Russian invaders instead of illegal aliens.

  • Your guns could come in handy if the Russians do invade again.

  • You can dust-off your Cold War-era hatred of the Russians, as such an attitude is respectable there.

  • You might get a chance to fight against some Muslims too.

  • Property with a Black Sea view is much cheaper than waterfront property in the U.S.

  • Yogurt will help your chronic indigestion.

  • The name of the country can remind you of your old home back in Marietta.

  • Learning a new language (and alphabet!) will help keep your mind sharp in your old age (and if those old yogurt commercials are correct, you might live a long, long time).

Have fun over there, and remember the Russian for "I surrender!" is Я сдаться.